July 29, 2009. 2 days after my 23rd birthday and 1 day shy of being 18 weeks pregnant,I had my big ultrasound. I scheduled the appointment about a month in advance and I was anxiously counting the days down, the day we'd find out if we were having a boy or girl! Not thinking, I scheduled a 3 pm appointment, so I sat anxiously waiting all day as time dragged on! Finally, it was almost time! Due to miscommunication, I picked Zach up from work about 15 minutes before my appointment and had to speed to Saratoga. Finally, we were there! My ultrasound tech was super awesome and very nice. She talked all during the ultrasound and then asked, "Do you want to know the sex?" Yes! "It looks like a boy!" she said. I was kinda shocked. I had secretly thought I was having a girl, everyone but my brother and Zach's brother thought we were having a girl! I looked over at Zach and said in disbelief, "It's a boy!" as if he hadn't heard. HAHA! The rest of the ultrasound was a blur, but I do remember the tech having trouble getting a picture of baby boy's left hand. She figured it was probably because he was laying on it. She gave us a disk full of pictures and sent us on our way.
The next day, I was sitting watching TV, still floating from the excitement knowing that the baby in my belly was a boy, even amazed that the outfit Jamie and I had found at TJ Maxx the day before the ultrasound just happened to be a boy outfit. I didn't know it when I bought it! Then I got the call...it was the nurse from my doctors office telling me I was being sent to Albany Med for a level 2 ultrasound. I was in shock...all she told me that there seemed to be problem, I asked her what kinda of problem, but she told me she couldn't tell me because she didn't have the ultrasound report in front of her. After that, we hung up. I immediately started crying. I was all alone, Zach was at work, I had just gotten news that something was possibly wrong with my baby. I didn't know what to do. Should I call Zach at work? Was this a big enough emergency to call him at work? Should I call the doctors office back to find out more? Yes! That's what I decided to do.I called back and demanded to speak to someone who knew exactly what was going in. I fought back tears as I talked to another nurse, who actually had the report in front of her, explain to me that the radiologist who read the ultrasound said that it appeared that baby boy had no fingers on his left hand and his left humerus bone was measuring short. This was the reason I was being sent for a level 2 ultrasound.
The day of the ultrasound, I was alone. Zach was on swings and his schedule was all jacked up, so I decided to go on my own. It was honestly one of the scariest moments of my life. I lay on the table in the dark room, while the tech did the ultrasound, not telling me anything, then rushed off to get the periontologist who came in and pressed and prodded my belly for over 30 minutes, saying nothing with no experession on his face. Finally, he confirms that baby boys left humerus is indeed measuring shorter than the right and he thinks he has fingers on his left hand, but doesn't think they have seperated. He then asks me if I want to do an amniocetessis to see if there are any more problems. I tell him no. He asks me why and I say that I hear there is a chance of miscarriage. He explains it's a very very low chance and I say no, I don't want to risk it. He then makes me feel like I'm in the wrong for refusing the amnio. He then explains that I will be back every month for ultrasounds until I deliver to see how his hand and arm are growing.
I remember driving home feeling so scared and upset. As soon as I got home I told Zach what the doctor had said and just cried. I blamed myself, I felt like I had done something wrong or didn't do something I should have done. After all, he was growing and developing in my body, at had to be something I did. Zach held me as /i cried and told me it was nothing I did, things just happen. That no matter what, we were going to love him.
As mother's, we have an idea of a picture perfect pregnancy, a picture perfect baby. We never imagine that something could go wrong. I know I wasn't prepared to hear what I heard. I was angry, I wanted to know why drug addicts who do drugs during their pregnancies, women who drink or smoke when pregnant, or even those women on I Didn't KNow I was Pregnant who get no prenatal care, can have perfectly healthy babies. When I tried to do everything right, I tried to avoid caffeine, deli meats, etc and this happens to my baby. It wasn't fair!
So that's our story...the beginning of our story...
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